Where Seedlings Grow

It is fascinating to watch children learn and grow. When we made our decision to homeschool, I really had no idea what I was signing on for.

I did zero research about homeschooling or pedagogy more generally before enrolling my four year old in Heartland Charter School. I began talking to a homeschool Mom, and I heard about Charlotte Mason. There are different methodologies? This is overwhelming.

I began looking through the recommended curriculums on Heartland’s site, and I felt my heart palpitate.

Then a local mother visited the farm, and in conversation mentioned she was using a Waldorf based curriculum for her children. Her son was beginning history which in Waldorf starts with Hebrews. I was instantly sold, and without further research, consideration, or questioning, I chose a Waldorf curriculum suggested by Heartland.

We are in our second year of homeschooling, on our second curriculum, still Waldorf based. We love it. The stories, songs, handwork, and social-emotional basis of this school of thought resonates very deeply within me. Hearing my children, especially the two girls, incorporate the stories I tell into their play is simply magical. Our 2.5 year old calls herself a gnome, and our 6 year old uses the “nature table” and the props we make as a stage to tell her own stories.

The day after taking photos for the post “Spring Things” our 4 year old son told my husband to smell the fruit blossoms and listen to the bees buzzing.

Would these things happen if I weren’t homeschooling? I suspect their propensity for song and storytelling would not be much nurtured in a public school setting, and I know my “all boy” son would be slowly crushed by the weight of indoor desk sitting.

I don’t believe I would perform the same breadth and depth of stories, songs, and handwork with the children if they were out of the house for 8 hours a day. That connection with them would be much weaker.

On the flip side, all of my children are with me every day, all day. I do not always show up the way I envision. In the emotionally unregulated moments, I wonder if homeschool is something of a double edged sword. The children are exposed to all of my sides, the beautiful, expressive, silly, and the melancholic, exasperated, angry. If they were out of the house, would I be able to shield them from the harsher forms of “Mother”?

This is the pitfall of homeschooling that I witness myself sliding into time and again. Children are mirrors, and if I am modeling poor qualities, they will reflect them back to me. Absolutely this happens in non homeschooling families as well, though I suspect it is easier to ignore, deny, or blame on others when children spend so much of their time at school.

The Waldorf School puts a lot of emphasis on the importance of the teacher being a centered, grounded individual. Waldorf Essentials, by Melisa Nielsen, is our current choice and thank the Lord, she has a large media library of documents and audio guiding mothers on becoming their best selves. She calls it the inner work journey. It is tough! Sometimes I am not sure if I am learning to be a homeschooling mother, or engaging in intense therapy.